Where’s your head at?

Lately, it feels like every time I turn around another person has just died by suicide. Since my focus for the blog is health and wellness, mental health is a crucial component to overall wellness. I think that this is a multifaceted issue and one that is extremely complex. I know first hand the effects that mental illness and suicide can have on a family. I think the hardest part is for the ones left behind trying to make sense of it all. As humans, we search for answers and a better understanding of the necessary process of events to provide healing and closure. The truth is we can never really know what might lead someone to take such drastic and definite actions. All we can do is move on, focus on our own well being and happiness, because in the end, it’s the only thing that we really have control over. How often do you take the time to evaluate your own life and ask yourself how happy am I? Am I happy with my relationships? Do I love my job? Do I live too far away or close to family?  Do I have a close group of friends? Do I like where I live? I have an overwhelming feeling that most of us, myself included, would not be happy in all of these areas. A little over a year ago I found myself in the ER with chest pains, luckily it wasn’t a heart attack -  it was a combination of stress and anxiety. A nice little mixture brought on by the pressures of being an expat new mom, not having close family support, a partner who worked 60-70 hours a week and mainly unsupportive job. My job was the real trigger. I found when I had more time off the anxiety was worse, the day before I would have to go back I would panic and dread it. After my little trip to the ER, I knew I had manifested my present reality and something needed to change. I made a choice. I was not going to let my job affect my health and my families’ happiness. So with the support of Chad, I was able to quit.  The next couple of months were great. I read more books in that month than I read in the past year. I had lots of one on one time with River and we had more time together as a family. After a couple of months, I felt the desire to want to work again. What I realized was although I loved being with River, I didn’t desire to be a full-time stay at home mom and I just didn’t quite know what I wanted to do. That is when Emily King came into my life, like a little angel sent from heaven.

Emily is an amazing and oh so wise business mindset coach.  She helped me figure out what I loved and encouraged me to follow my true passions. One thing she had said is comparison is one of the biggest joy killers. Which brings me back to mental health. How often do we get caught up in the comparison game? All of the time without even realizing it. We compare our children and worry because Johnny started walking at 10 months and our child didn’t start until 15 months. Thanks to Facebook and social media we are easily caught in comparing our careers, houses, and relationship status to those of our Facebook “friends”. We make choices to better fit into societal norms because heaven forbid we stand apart and be different. What if we just stopped comparing our lives to others.  What if we made choices out of love rather than fear. What if we decide to marry when we wanted. Or not get married. What if we decided to travel the world instead of buying a house. What if we decided to be healthy instead of a size 2. What if we just lived to be happy instead of pleasing others. What if we just said fuck it! I’m doing me and stepped into the life we desire even if it might scare that shit out of us. I came across this quote - source unknown “We tiptoe through life hoping to safely make it to death” How depressing but true is that. We are consistently playing it safe. Mostly out of fear. I can’t quit my job even though it makes me miserable, how will I support my family? What if you believed it was your right to be happy and fulfilled. What if you believed you deserve the best and something better was out there just waiting for you? What if you didn’t play it safe and took a risk? For some of us, we will never know the answers to these questions but for the brave few who decide to live a life by design and not pressure - you will.  I know that I have a vision of the kind of life I want for myself and my family and it’s non-negotiable. I take action every day to make the vision come to fruition. Sometimes it’s scary but I choose not to let fear stop my momentum. For I know I am the only one who can make me happy.

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